Samoa ..ha ha you suckers

Day Zero

This is either a church or a stray dog ...there is roughly the same number of each so it gets a bit confusing.

yup ...had to wake up in that little house eeeevery day. Breath smelt exactly like last nights pina colada eeevery morning, it was tha mos peautiful bref smels I ever smeld

This is me, Ana, Craig and Karyn in a clock-hand direction. We did this pretty much every night. Craig is the chap that was nice enought to loan me his brand spanking, unwaxed 6'6" surfboard of some type. So that we could surf this perfect, crystal smooth, 4-5" volcanic reef barrel on my second to last day. Thanks fella. Janine took the photo, nice photgraph Ms Chisholm (it is worth noticing what word her name becomes when you say it very fast)

...and then I would have to do this again the next day. It was a hectic and bewildering schedule.

until this clown had to turn up and ruin my tranquility by going around and getting married all over the place

..more to cum..

Dangerous Things

We face many dangerous things everyday in our line of work
... a bit like firefighters mostly, but also a bit like navy seals ..also sorta like fur seals in the early 1900's
Difference being -we dont even CARE!- we just wake-up, man-up and soldier on

Here are just some of the every-day dangers that we dont even batter our eyelids at:



Dangerous Thing #1
These caterpillars have been known to savage a man so severely as to render him completely unable to have smoko with the boys. They move like lightning and have red faces because they burrow into your body, remove your kidneys and sell them on e-bay ..and theres lots of blood around the kidneys ..which makes the red
..:Pip:.. if u read this tell Leo, Sammi and Jedi that this is my friend Professor Wriggle and he is my best friend and he eats soo many vegetables and never gets bored or scared and always helps people because he loves helping and he is my best friend in the forest ..and he definitely doesnt steal peoples kidneys




Dangerous Thing #2
These ones are called "spit-fire caterpillars" because they are able to generate a flaming plume of brimstone when startled. Here they are just dribbling a mucous made up largely of eucalyptus oil from the leaves they eat, but that is because I didnt really startle them properly. When gathered in large enough numbers they are able to trigger a 30megaton nuclear meltdown, its true, I know because my mate saw it happen and took pictures but the pictures got melted down in the meltdown reaction and melted




Dangerous Thing #3
This is a dead red-back spider dangling down from the thing above my bed. I woke up with it about 8cm from my face ...my face wasnt very happy about that and it almost squealed like a little girl. I took this picture 3 or 4 days after it was dead so it has dried up a little bit and has an abdomen like a catwalk model, which is fortunate because you can see the red stripe on its back by looking through its belly, kinda like how you can see a catwalk models spine if you look at her belly.




Dangerous Thing #4
This is a Bob-Tailed Lizard, we love these guys because they eat snakes. Between the 6 guys in our crew we have seen 5 snakes in our blocks in the last 2 weeks. 4 of them were Tiger snakes which is ok, they are only a little bit bitey but they mostly run away from the noisy noise we make. The other one was a Dugite, or, Brown Snake ..they are very bitey and poisonous-er than most things and they dont run away so good.




YAY! for bigmouth




Dangerous Thing #5
These flowers, with their halcyon lavender plumage are not directly dangerous on their own, but, as everyone knows, Purple attracts lesbians! ..the last thing you need when you are operating a whirling chain capable of causing grievous harm. Trees wont be the only things with missing limbs if your attention is suddenly distracted by a teeming field of lesbians writhing in goats milk amongst the natural flora.




Dangerous Thing #6
ok! hard to make something up for this one ..its real pretty tho





Dangerous Thing #7
HUNTSMAN SPIDER!!.. large as a volkswagen beetle!! just eaten two of my friends and heading towards me, fortunately it ate my friend Rock first which slowed the fierce monster down a lot because Rock wieghs about 190kg and is definitely the fattest one out of us ...must run for life... good luck Rock .. good luck mate .. I miss you, you sperm-whale sized fatty with your own gravitational pull ...I live because you are such a big fat guy ..I'll never forget ..some of you. I say some because you are just way too fat to fit in my memory banks ...you are too fat too fit into all of the NASA super computers memory banks, I feel sorry for the spider.





Mystery Object #1
DONT LOOK DOWN at the next picture because then you will spoil the challenge phase of the quizz





Dangerous Thing #8
Whirling chains of flailing destruction. The mighty Stihl MS260




Dangerous Things House #1
This reminded me of the tunnel into Shelobs lair




Dangerous Thing #9
times almost up, Im just gonna say "Shelob"





Dangerous Thing #10
This essential tool of our trade keeps us alive-and-not-deaf, it comes in bright orange and is VERY big in Milan.




Dangerous Thing #11
A side effect of staying alive-and-not-deaf can be a powerfully lady-repelling case of hat-hair. Here is an example of force-9 hat-hair caused by the above hat-hair-generator ..I survived but look at the determination in my eyes, many have crumbled under onslaughts of lower magnitudes ...I am barely maintaining consciousness here ..Im like a Jet Pilot in a 15G turn




Dangerous Thing #12
This is a carnivorous plant, as far as scientists have been able to ascertain it is an evolutionary left-over from when the Triffids ran amok in London on that T.V. show during the 80's. Here you can clearly see the remains of a large dangerous animal that fell haplessly into the grasp of this ravenous vine.




Dangerous Thing #13
Dangerous alright ..but only if you are the ladies
let your fingers do the walking pj

about once every a-hundred years

we almost never get technology in the forest ...except for spinning chains driven by noisy hand-held engines .. which is pretty cool.
I get like one minute every basically never.
Some time -soonish- I will leave some words.

So did I get to Oz ok?

NO, I didnt have a safe trip to Oz, I nearly died!!

1:First of all I had to fly to Brisbane in a 737 squished up next to a pair of overeaters who wanted to eat my cheese. MY cheese!! ...oh umm yea fine, have my cheese you greedy jerks, because then I get to enjoy the unadulterated delisciousness of 3 dry crackers all on their own!! oh ..hang on a second ....NO!! what you can have is the empty plastic wrapping you greedy fat-jokes, eat it and choke.

2:Second of all I had a three hour wait at the boringest airport in the southern hemisphere, which was delayed a further hour making it a FOUR hour wait at the boringest airport in the southern hemisphere

3:Thirdly of all, by the time I finally got on the plane, I was looking forward to falling asleep, just falling asleep, but NO!! Chaterbox McCorkindale wanted to know everything about everything.
"GET FUCKED" I politely shouted, "I should like to get some sleep now!", but NO!!. No sleep for me, I was over-tired and just couldnt settle-in. So I spent the whole 5 hour flight NOT sleeping, couldnt get comfortable, leg was all nervy and twitchy, and I was just plain fucked off.

Oh yea and on top of that the movie was Rocky Balboa ...and yes, it is just as stink as every other Rocky movie

But now Im here, its ok. Iv stayed up drinking through the entire night twice. Had long drunken conversations with small groups of people. Almost started a riot when I somehow got through to the final round of the pool competition. Some members of the crowd jeered at me while I screwed with the other guys psychological game
..I thought some of the things I said about his sisters vagina were very flattering, so Im not sure what the all the fuss was about.

Ate meat on Easter friday, much to the chagrin of the large drunken Irish Catholic contingent
..ended up telling them that Catholisism was rubbish, Its purpose is to seperate man from God in order to maintain a chokehold of power over its believers, its followers are stupid enough to believe that the church owns their lives, its not even real Christianity, it markets fear and powerlessness to the fearful and powerless and i didnt know what the fuss has been about in Ireland for all these years. Got punched in the lip. We all made friends later.

Anyway Im in Manjimup again now, had a blazing first 4 days with Benjamin5 and Jay. No ordinary bender, we bent it like Beckham. When we finally came to, we had to be re-introduced to everybody we had met over the previous 4 days. Everything was ok in the end. Must have hard-core belly laughed for around 69hours during that time.

Off to the forest again on Sunday, 6 months in our own house in Mt Barker, sweet.

Street Art - Vandalism - and the pursuit of infamy

This is a quick collection of art-vandalism-grafitti-expression from around Tauranga and the mount. Im particularly interested in stencils myself and include here, as a prelude, my first stencil ..a poignant and evocative cocktail of parody and entendre mocking the important religion that is Scientology ..a modern "the devil made me do it"
You can find it in the city of Perth outside the Planet Inn on Newcastle Street



The trik-a-train rumbled, Thomas-like, across the viaduct not even pausing to reflect upon the iridescent irony that decorated its passage as it steamed steamlessly away
...by "passage" I dont mean "anus"



Just setting the scene. A beautiful viaduct over the picturesque Tauranga harbour, alone and uncluttered, poised on the brink of juxtaposition.



We begin this wonderful journey with a classy piece I like to call "15yr-old-wagging-in-the-school-toilets". Culturally significant, and once again a great artist raises the question "to ring, or not to ring? THAT is the question" The number doesnt work by the way ..someone said




One of only three stencils Iv been able to find in this town so far. Queen Elizabeth Regina II of Mingerland puffin' on a blunt as she gazes blindfoldedly toward the city. Quite a nice stencil tho, I think u will agree J?



Even if this wasnt one of only three, I still would have included it because I just love the way the colours are working.




Im not sure who this is supposed to be, perhaps a catholic Jesus celebrating victory in Europe




Its almost as if ...they knew the future




Is justice really a lonely floating dinghy in the harbour of society? Because if it is, then for all of those who have sought justice for so long, and all those for whom justice just could not be found, and all those of us who thought justice was a thinner veil even than that of democracy, justice CAN be found! we now have an address... its just off the Warf street restaurant facing towards Matapihi about 250 meters ..you cant miss it.
YAY! for justice




You are a street artist (go with me on this)... you are plying your important expressions on the walls, girders, billboards and railway carriages of the city ..you have something to say ..something that will, you hope, turn the head and then the heart of the individuals who see. Painstakingly you focus your efforts like an iridescent spray-laser when.. FUK a mistake,. Jane doesnt "suck" pussy ,..she "LICKS" pussy ..fuck fuCK FUCK. This is really gonna screw up the visual EVERYTHING!! ..Goddammit, how do you "suck" a pussy anyways, Im gonna look like an idiot ..I guess I better put a nice neat line through it and hope nobody notices.




If ur readin this ur gay & can suk my balls!




Yea FATE ..peace da fuck out




Soo classic ..feel the rage, the angst, the narrow nozzle of words through which to squeeze your emotions.

BD007

Like an incredible novel by the guy that wrote the James Bond stories, the big day out this year was full of bands, drugs, alcohol, frivolity, lying about having pashed Meg White, and, downright skanking up the front of the boiler room.
I dont know which James Bond story resembles the antics most closely ...probably moonraker or DR. No, I couldnt say why.

NEVER EVER miss the Big Day Out it is a Holy day ..I call it *Timmadahn*.

It is a day we celebrate the most important things of all:
Splendid music
Reckless Abandon
Indiscriminate Friendliness
Enjoying one-self for the sake of ..IT, and,

the active pursuit of Passion

.. there is also some drug-taking


I don't know why I didnt take a picture of KORA, they fuckn RULED the WORLD (am I shouting?). The Killers would no doubt have been mega-good, but the performance that KORA put on was second to none. Well maybe second to Ruth and MINUIT ..highly outstanding ..I actually pissed myself with glee (..it wasnt my fault it was glees)

The Starbucks stops here

Did you hear the one about how China has some kind of respect for culture.

Beijing's Forbidden City palace is considering closing a Starbucks on its grounds after protests led by a state TV personality who says the American coffeehouse's presence is eroding Chinese culture.

Starbucks' presence "undermined the Forbidden City's solemnity and trampled over Chinese culture," the anchorman, Rui Chenggang, wrote in his blog. Xinhua said "thousands of Chinese" backed the campaign but did not say how.
some news place

I agree that it is impotant to maintain and defend ones love and attatchment for ones own culture, and I fully respect the individual chinese folk who are making a dash for self respect and taking pride in their heritage.

Isnt it also easy for a balanced person to realise: that if I love my own culture then, could it possibly be, that, others must feel the same way about theirs.

As much as I dislike the profit-at-expense-of-people attitude many large corporations live by, I think Starbucks will have a far less erosive effect on Chinas culture than what China had on Tibets culture.

It sounds to me like a really large pot calling a much smaller kettle black.

I would like to see the news article read:
Beijing's Forbidden City palace is considering closing its doors to the millions of tourist dollars it earns each month after protests led by a state TV personality who says "Out of a deep respect for all cultures we will no longer be parading our marvellous palace around untill our government gives back Tibet".


    GIVE BACK TIBET     GIVE BACK TIBET     GIVE BACK TIBET

kinda like wheres Wally except with butts

im really just seeing what the story is with uploading pictures on here... random butt footage seemed as good a place to start as any

a one legged man with an enormous shlong launched himself selflessly at the alien invaders

not expecting to bump into anybody on their way back from Tibet, the three lazy loafers were rudely awakened to the fact that it was "no pants Tuesday" and they had clearly missed the boat

"ok ok so it looks like you were right ..thats a little embarrassing umm.. do you know anyone that wants to buy a metric shitload of clothesline?"

having taken my statement P.C.Preston then took my fingerprints and a DNA sample

they actually have these in Australica. I have used them, theyre ok

k